Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Love Poem for Grace

Grace Park from Battlestar Galactica 

So i is write to Grace Park with my movie idea for a $25 million dollar re-make of "2 Girls, 1 Cup" starring Grace and Grace Park the golfer.

She is no reply.

Grace, you is my slice of hot apple pie

And my customized Hyundai.

You is make my blood to boil

And my fresh underpants to soil,

And i is no talking diahrrea

It's just it's only thing rhymes with Korea.

I hope you like, Grace, is take me 3 weeks to write this.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

So real I.R.A.

Since Walid is blow up member of Real I.R.A. by accident, Moo is have to meet with member of Surreal I.R.A., Dougal McPaddy, and I is chat with him on an infinity machine made out of fish sticks as we bicycle at light speed into a chocolatey black hole. All during spacey adventure, though, Moo is wonder : how much success is A.Q. really have if we is have to use car bombs made out of melted cheese and spiders ? I think i am giving these silly Irish the heave ho and i am come home and, you know, i is thinking also that maybe i am not drinking any more of Walid's special 'tea'.

Afghan Romancings

So, Moo is very busy in romance department on the weekends. Have many dates with beauty girls i meet on internet and the beautiful Kabul streets. 

First date is Regina, she is German girl work with Red Cross is very much compassion is like work with sick children etcetera etcera. She is wear the lime-green panties - WOW - is erotic color, is you find also ? Also, is color Pakistan flag. She is enjoy Moohammed's delicate touch is come from time he defuse landmine. You practice, is giving ladies much pleasure ! German girl very nice especially you like the Terminator movie.

Second girl is Emmanuelle, she is France come. Hoping all french girls is like Emmanuelle, she is going like the Khyber steam safari train from Peshawar. Wow ! Is very satisfy !

Last date is Fatimah. She good Afghan girl. Is no make-up, no watch TV, no leave house without escort, no school. Yes, she seem good but is try give Moohammed kiss on cheek at end of date ! Is too hard find the good muslim girl these days. Is Americans - turn world upside down !

Sunday, 4 April 2010

Congrats to Jaweed

Is very big congratulations to Jaweed and his lovely wife Adedoja who is get married yesterday. I is very pleased for Jaweed as he is look a bit depressed in last few days and is lose appetite for killings the peoples. At first, we thinks is because his mother and father is blow up by the Pakistani army last year and then his 2 brothers and uncles are killed this month by the Americans and then godson is step on the landmine  but is turn out Jaweed is have the Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

Here is photo of the lovely couple :


Half hour after party starts, 'Stupid' Ali is fire AK 47 in celebrations , and after little bit, American gunships is arrive and begin the shootings and bombings :

5 minutes later :

Many wedding guests is killed, include Jaweed and Adedoja but apart from this, wedding is go very smooth, food very excellent, Moo is recommending the baked meatballs in the goats cheesy sauce.

Sunday, 28 February 2010

Oh, Grace...

Oh, Grace, you is as hot as the deadly white phosphorous the Israelis is use on the little Palestinian girls skipping in the street.

Operation "Enduring Bullshit"

From Afghan Moonbeam newspaper, yesterday :

General McChrystal made an appearance at a small Brooklyn nightclub today to announce the launch of Operation "Enduring Bullshit" , a massive military undertaking designed to quell any doubts the public might have about the gains the army was making in Afghanistan.

"The strategy is brilliant but simple," McChrystal stated. "We 're going to mount up. Mobilise everything we've got. Tanks. Planes. Helicopters, you name it. Then we're going to form a giant circle and we're basically going to go round and round, shooting at anything that moves and making a whole lot of noise and commotion."

Journalist : "What happens after that, General ?"

McChrystal : "Well, we basically just keep going round and round until everyone loses interest or we run out of gas and then we turn off the engines and sit tight until the Pentagon tells us who our new enemies are. Since we kind of think that's going to be China , we figure we're going to be in the right place anyway."

Responding to a journalist's suggestion that the whole Afghanistan venture was just another lame-ass attempt to justify outrageous Pentagon budgets, McChrystal strongly disagreed, saying he would have used the word "ridiculous" rather than "outrageous".

The Changing face of America's enemies:

60s - 70s  :  Vietnam


80s  :  Soviet Union


90s  -  00s  :  Innocent Muslims


      10s  -  20s  :  China ?


30s  -  40s  :  Just Make Up Something

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Big Question

Is Karzai as dirty as the Uzbeki whore's underpants ? This is big question here in Kabul. Very respect, fearless journalist is confront Karzai recently and is ask him straight.

Journalist : "So is your administration really as corrupt as everyone is saying ?"

Karzai       : "Well, that's the $ 64,000 dollar question, isn't it ?"

Journalist :  "But that's double what i paid last time !"

Personally, I think Karzai's cape is for hidings the bundles of cash.

Dutch Troops want Go Home

Netherlands is set to withdraw its 2,000 troops from Afghanistan by the end of this year. 

The Dutch troops is say they are lied to before they is come to Afghanistan. They say heroin is both cheaper and easier to get hold of in Amsterdam and so they is go back for the high times.


 A member of the Dutch Royal Marines on patrol.

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

McChrystal Balls

General McChrystal is make extraordinary apology yesterday for killings more worthless brown peoples.

After interview, on way out of room, he is accidentally knock over the Afghan journalist, who is crack his head on base of marble pillar and who is die later in the hospital.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Another One is Bite Dust

So is another brave Al Qaeda freedom fighter is killed today by the wicked foreign infidels, is very depress. Sometimes I is think of to pack up my high-quality leather man-bag and walkings home to forget the fightings and set up poodle-grooming parlour I is always dream of.

Above is pic of brave Hakim who is fall off side of cliff when he is shoot his AK-47 first time. Here you can see him he is mistake the effigy George Bush for the real Great Satan and is go batshitting crazy. Hey, we is call him brave Hakim, not smart Hakim.

I think we all is have the fond memories of Hakim but i think the most important life wisdoms i gain from know him is this : You is never should share the small cave with man who is love the Pakistan food too much.

Also, not always to believe new guy when he says he will pay for AK-47 as soon as his mother is sell his 4 x 4.

Also, not always to believe guy who is tell you the British must be taking your most special Gillette Hydra Scrub & Body Wash With Power Beads in the night times.

You know, when I am thinking of it, this guy Hakim is a bit of a shit.

My Little Karzai


Here is Mr Karzai, yesterday, where he is angrily deny he is puppet of the Americans.


Prison Blues

So I is walking past Pul-e-Charkhi prison yesterday. Is biggest prison in Kabul. I hear many, many bad things is happening here. Is friend tell me that his cousin is spend time there, is beaten and made watch the British movie. Can be true ? Such cruelty ? I not sure is have the doubting but when i walk past is hearing the terrible wailing sound like the man who has legs blow up by the landmine and i think, yes, is the Chris de Burger "Lady in Red". Is no mercy in this place, is place without pity.

Monday, 22 February 2010

Bitter Truth


"We need to invest more in technology", Karzai is say. He is blame fake microphones made from lemons as one reason why message of progress is fail to be heard.

Electoral Watchdog is catch the rabies

The Afghan president, Hamid Karzai, has unilaterally taken control of the country's top electoral watchdog, provoking outrage from western diplomats.

                                                                                                                                                                                                   By habit, Karzai is offer little girl a Hello Kitty twinkle pop in exchange for her vote, during the recent trips to China.

Civilian Deaths

At least 27 civilians were killed in a Nato airstrike in southern Afghanistan yesterday. 

'Rubbish' Mossad

British super-expert spy is say disguises Mossad is use in Dubai assassination of Hamas guy, are 'unprofessional' and shows the slipping standards.

     New Face of Mossad

Sunday, 21 February 2010

I is no Heart Americans

 Americans liberators is arrive on doorstep ? Is only Allah's way of telling you your country has way too many peoples.

My Problems with Malaysian Bloggings

                                   Malaysian Cutie


Okay, sometimes i is look at other bloggings, not just my own, and i is see many bloggings from the Malay peoples (is you know they have the computer in Malaysia ?). Malaysians are Muslim peoples so Moohammed is cannot say he hate Malay bloggings but, bloody hell ! - MALAY PEOPLES !! - please to decide if you is speak Malay or English ! 

Many times i is read the interest post and is like this : "I have been thinking on this for many many months and i think that the meaning of life may be.............tagalog agag mewa loas tol mak am vir blah blah blah...."   

Also this : "So i decided that i would forget that i was a good Muslim girl for a few moments and i stripped out of my bra and panties and  los me kava cansan cholodok mamsata chalafan blah blah blah....."

WTF !!! Is kind of postings is give Moohammed great frustratings and now i is avoid the Malaysian bloggings, sorry.

Also, their flag is look a bit bloody American, innit ?

Friday, 19 February 2010

Why Americans is loosing in Afghanistan

Most Interest Fact of Afghanistan # 1

Are you know that average life expectancy for both of the Afghan mans and womans is 44 years (2007) ?

I know what you is think my friends and i is say to you, do not worry, Moo is have a few years left before he is 44, so you is look forward to many more of the awesome bloggings from your favorite gorilla freedoms fighter.

Also, i say to you, you know, 44 is not so bad. It is not as much as they is get in Ciudad Juarez but is longer than you can expects in Baltimore. Smiling face here please.

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Oh, Grace...

Oh, Grace, when i can't see your pretty face, my eyes are watering like from the Israeli tear gas .

Choosing a Human Shield

Okay, Muslim brothers : now i want you imagine you is fighting against the yankee infidels in Marjah and you is need the human shield. Which is you choose ?

a)  (Iranian winner bikini contest in middle)

or b)

If you is choose a), yes, your last few minutes on this Earth is very pleasant but you is no live very long to fire your AK 47. For good soaking-up of the bullets from the American AR-15, Moohammed is recommend b) Fat Ali or other chubby teenager. He is also making good sandbag. 

For Allah's sake, please no choose the fat Muslim wife, she is chew off your bloody ears with tales of her worthless husband and is make your last minutes worse than long weekend in the Abu Ghraib.

Americans liberate people of Marjah (from their lives)

Greetings,  American infidels !!! I have a message for you from my beleaguered brothers and sisters in Marjah : 

Dear Yankee pigs : your bombs and tanks and other myriad instruments of death and destruction do not scare us. After you is destroy Farooq's Combined Coffee Bar &  Sauna, there is nothing to do in this place anyway, now. If you is really serious of win the hearts and minds, please to bring about 80,000 of the new Maharaja burger, it is really super-delish . Also, please to respect the time-honoured traditions of the simple muslim villagers and stop your shootings between 8 and 9 pm this weekend, when TV is show the final of Afghan Pop Idol.

(Also, there is family no.87 Ali Owliaei Street, they is take out garbage on wrong day and play the loud hip-hop music every days - i think they is def Taliban).