Oh, Grace, when i can't see your pretty face, my eyes are watering like from the Israeli tear gas .
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About Me
- moohammed
- Afghanistan
- Is all kinds of good stuff from your favourite Muslim extremist. I review latest movie and describe my colorfull life happenings here in the beautiful Kabul. You is pritty womans ? You email Moohammed now, you is no disappoint. I is make loving so long, you is no looking at watch, you is needing calendar. Also, join me on my excitings journey as i attempt to assassinate husband of Canadian-Korean actress, Grace Park, and win her love.
Dear Bigot,
ReplyDeleteSorry, I meant, “Dear bicot” or if you prefer “raton,” the favorite names that many in France have given and still give to anyone they think might be a Maghrebian. Or “Arab” --no, not all people from the Maghreb are Arabs, didn’t you know? Poor you, you might have a PhD but you’re still a lowly rat only fit to be a garbage collector in France, or lower in the eyes of French garbage collectors, that is assuming that the French are now picking their own garbage after exporting individuals France's colonial policies had ruined from their former colonies to do that job.. (For all of you unfortunate English only speakers, these quaint appellations mean “rat” and in terms of usage, they translate exactly in American English usage as “nigger”.)
I only wanted to point out that Kabul is nowhere near Israel. I also want to express my gratitude to "your people”, whoever they might be, for the invention of algebra and all the amazing literary, scientific and humanistic contributions Islamic peoples and individuals have given and are giving "us". I’m pretty sure Europeans would still be in the Dark Ages (perhaps they still are?) without the Arab transmission and translation of Ancient Greek, Amaraic,etc knowledge (further translated from Arabic into Latin by Jewish scholars who flourished in Moorish Spain ---in contrast– oy vey!-- to Jewish scholars collected to the Vel d’Hiv and sent to extermination camps by your former colonial overlords (oh the greatness of Western Civ!).
And go figure! In the past Islamic women were equal. Myself, being female, I still am in awe of Rabi’ah who was not only a female Islamic saint but the FIRST saint in Islam. Perhaps, since your name is Moohamed which might possibly (though not probably) imply that you might be Muslim, you’re already familiar with Fatima Mernissi’s works (and even that of other Muslim scholars –gasp! How could there be such a thing! And Islamic feminists to boot!), that is assuming you do read one of the various languages her books have been translated in besides the bastardized version of Esperanto you seem to communicate in.
Like you, I’m nostalgic for the place Afghanistan used to be. Besides its deeply rooted and varied cultures and religions (Buddhism, Islam, Christianity and others), it was even a neat place to go for a honeymoon. There were so many Islamic female profs in their universities and they didn’t even wear the burka before all of the so-called bloody civilized folks took over (Ruskies, Americans in the form of your soul brother Reagan who fostered the Talibans and funded their Madrassas because they were, as he put it, “God fearing people”, drug lords catering to the “civilized”Western ever hungrier market for drugs, etc).
In short Moohamed, whoever you are, you’re grossing me out. Can you please invent another persona (though I have to warn you, if your caricature persona was a Jew, or Black, or a woman, you might gross a lot more people out. To me it’s the same difference...)
Sorry, I probably was too harsh but it's just that asymetrical satyre of whole (billions in this case?) doesn't work so good. I'm frightened because hate crimes in the US are on the rise, against all minorities or people who are deemed to look like minority members... and you know that also includes the homeless whose ranks are growing by leaps and bounds --what with people losing their jobs and their homes....
ReplyDeleteNow it's OK to make fun of groups of people who are more powerful than you are. Canadians in particular make fun (when they're not pulling the hair out of their heads in shock!) at Americans lack of even the rudiments of geographical knowledge. However Americans not only know beans about the geography of the world but of their own country as well. Surveys keep on showing that a sizeable portion of the population believes New Mexico to be in Mexico, for instance...
Jokes about Americans:
ReplyDeleteNow that Vancouver is preparing to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.
Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Dear Miss Kati, (is not sound like Muslim name but you is defend the Muslim peoples very nicely), I is read your long letter and am thinking that education is a very wonderfuls thing but if it is destroy sense of the humor then was all that learnings just waste of time ? For, as Mr Shakespeare said in the very olden times: "With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come".
ReplyDeleteAlso, as Dwayne T. Robinson once said : "Damn, them Scuzzlims sure is dumb as a doornail and no mistake".
So, Miss Kati, no group can claims to be out of the limits of the satirical musings, especiallys if they are do lots of the stupid things, because that is sign of the dreaded censorship and must be avoided like Chechen mother-in-law.
You see, I is also making some funs of the stupid Americans (Clayton Townley) but you is not see that here and just because you is say there are many stupid Americans is not mean that there is not many stupid Muslims - just to look at the Uyghurs, by examples.
Also, Miss Kati, i is say to you that you have very much conceit in to beat me over head with your elitist education of the history when i is only get the life lessons from my Uncle Farooq's goats on the school holidays, but i is take your point : from now on, i is talk more of the Afghan glories and more on the bastard Americans who is rape our land.
p.s. I is like the Canada questions.
BTW, who is that lady in the picture?
ReplyDeleteVery funny. Im enjoying your blog. Havent read all but whatever I have is funny.
ReplyDeleteSo why do you hate me so much to send 'mafia' to kill me?
BTW, countrygirl is the same as me. I dont like 'DigitalGirl' anymore. Im bored. Need a new nick. Suggest one.
ReplyDeleteOh did I mention that posting comments here is toooooooooooooo complicated?
Mr Moo, groups don't do stupid things, individuals do....
ReplyDeleteAs for the Uyghurs, you hit a sore spot. One of my very best friend who spend quite of few years in China and wrote a book (among others) about minorities in China, spend 10 years compiling an Uyghur-English dictionary. He found individual Uyghurs very smart and some very stupid ... but given Guantanamo etc, he finds putting these innocent people in Guantanamo and torturing them the height of idiocy... It will take a Mell Brooks to succeed in satirizing this sorry episode in US history... in the meanwhile Kafka is our man...
Speaking of idiocy, I was just reading a comment on Slate claiming that since China has declared Uyghurs to be terrorists (all of them?), they must be, and they should be sent back to China....
I do appreciate satire, but only when aimed at people (i.e. individuals) more powerful than you are..... (I'm a fan of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report of course). You know black people in the US don't like the old minstrel shows. They would have been funny if blacks hadn't been terrorized at the time. "No sense of humour you say? Perhaps you could rethink this.)
I'll grant you it's not easy to make fun of catastrophes. (ex: ha ha wasn't it hilarious when the tsunami came!) It's like Jewish jokes. You can only make them if you're Jewish (I just translated the latest book by Adam Biro "Is it good for the Jews" and I also translated his other book of short stories build around Jewish jokes "Two Jews on a Train" --very funny, but only because he's Jewish).
There are also so many jokes about communist regimes that secretely circulated at the height of the repression and purges. (it was like making fun of the tsunami just as it was hiting you). I also love Mell Brooks films ("Spring Time for Hitler" "The history of the world" with the scene of the Spanish Inquisition, etc). It's satire and also exorcism.
It just that the character of Moo you created doesn't make me laugh, sorry.
In the US your Moohamded risks being beaten to death just going to the grocery store. To me it doesn't make any difference who is the one stereotyped for stigmatization and possible extermination. I'm talking about American citizens in the US itself. When I pointed out the recent rise in violent hate crimes, that's what I was talking about.... You don't need to be an "intelectual" --and actually inteletuals are just as fearful and stupid as the rest of us-- to understand that we human beings never were able to dehumanize each others without it leading to horrendous acts of violence (and as the old say goes: "two wrongs don't a right make"...)
Digi - lady is Grace Park of the spacey TV show "Battlestar Galactica", most beautiful lady in world. The TV show is very depressing accepting when Grace is appear on the screen.
ReplyDeleteKati, sorry, i is no reproach myself. Obviously, being Muslim, i is no mean anything malicious for my Muslim brothers and sisters. You is no believe me ? I am sorry - but only because you is no smile.
ReplyDelete