Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Love Poem for Grace

Grace Park from Battlestar Galactica 

So i is write to Grace Park with my movie idea for a $25 million dollar re-make of "2 Girls, 1 Cup" starring Grace and Grace Park the golfer.

She is no reply.

Grace, you is my slice of hot apple pie

And my customized Hyundai.

You is make my blood to boil

And my fresh underpants to soil,

And i is no talking diahrrea

It's just it's only thing rhymes with Korea.

I hope you like, Grace, is take me 3 weeks to write this.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

So real I.R.A.

Since Walid is blow up member of Real I.R.A. by accident, Moo is have to meet with member of Surreal I.R.A., Dougal McPaddy, and I is chat with him on an infinity machine made out of fish sticks as we bicycle at light speed into a chocolatey black hole. All during spacey adventure, though, Moo is wonder : how much success is A.Q. really have if we is have to use car bombs made out of melted cheese and spiders ? I think i am giving these silly Irish the heave ho and i am come home and, you know, i is thinking also that maybe i am not drinking any more of Walid's special 'tea'.

Afghan Romancings

So, Moo is very busy in romance department on the weekends. Have many dates with beauty girls i meet on internet and the beautiful Kabul streets. 

First date is Regina, she is German girl work with Red Cross is very much compassion is like work with sick children etcetera etcera. She is wear the lime-green panties - WOW - is erotic color, is you find also ? Also, is color Pakistan flag. She is enjoy Moohammed's delicate touch is come from time he defuse landmine. You practice, is giving ladies much pleasure ! German girl very nice especially you like the Terminator movie.

Second girl is Emmanuelle, she is France come. Hoping all french girls is like Emmanuelle, she is going like the Khyber steam safari train from Peshawar. Wow ! Is very satisfy !

Last date is Fatimah. She good Afghan girl. Is no make-up, no watch TV, no leave house without escort, no school. Yes, she seem good but is try give Moohammed kiss on cheek at end of date ! Is too hard find the good muslim girl these days. Is Americans - turn world upside down !

Sunday, 4 April 2010

Congrats to Jaweed

Is very big congratulations to Jaweed and his lovely wife Adedoja who is get married yesterday. I is very pleased for Jaweed as he is look a bit depressed in last few days and is lose appetite for killings the peoples. At first, we thinks is because his mother and father is blow up by the Pakistani army last year and then his 2 brothers and uncles are killed this month by the Americans and then godson is step on the landmine  but is turn out Jaweed is have the Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

Here is photo of the lovely couple :


Half hour after party starts, 'Stupid' Ali is fire AK 47 in celebrations , and after little bit, American gunships is arrive and begin the shootings and bombings :

5 minutes later :

Many wedding guests is killed, include Jaweed and Adedoja but apart from this, wedding is go very smooth, food very excellent, Moo is recommending the baked meatballs in the goats cheesy sauce.

Sunday, 28 February 2010

Oh, Grace...

Oh, Grace, you is as hot as the deadly white phosphorous the Israelis is use on the little Palestinian girls skipping in the street.

Operation "Enduring Bullshit"

From Afghan Moonbeam newspaper, yesterday :

General McChrystal made an appearance at a small Brooklyn nightclub today to announce the launch of Operation "Enduring Bullshit" , a massive military undertaking designed to quell any doubts the public might have about the gains the army was making in Afghanistan.

"The strategy is brilliant but simple," McChrystal stated. "We 're going to mount up. Mobilise everything we've got. Tanks. Planes. Helicopters, you name it. Then we're going to form a giant circle and we're basically going to go round and round, shooting at anything that moves and making a whole lot of noise and commotion."

Journalist : "What happens after that, General ?"

McChrystal : "Well, we basically just keep going round and round until everyone loses interest or we run out of gas and then we turn off the engines and sit tight until the Pentagon tells us who our new enemies are. Since we kind of think that's going to be China , we figure we're going to be in the right place anyway."

Responding to a journalist's suggestion that the whole Afghanistan venture was just another lame-ass attempt to justify outrageous Pentagon budgets, McChrystal strongly disagreed, saying he would have used the word "ridiculous" rather than "outrageous".

The Changing face of America's enemies:

60s - 70s  :  Vietnam


80s  :  Soviet Union


90s  -  00s  :  Innocent Muslims


      10s  -  20s  :  China ?


30s  -  40s  :  Just Make Up Something

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Big Question

Is Karzai as dirty as the Uzbeki whore's underpants ? This is big question here in Kabul. Very respect, fearless journalist is confront Karzai recently and is ask him straight.

Journalist : "So is your administration really as corrupt as everyone is saying ?"

Karzai       : "Well, that's the $ 64,000 dollar question, isn't it ?"

Journalist :  "But that's double what i paid last time !"

Personally, I think Karzai's cape is for hidings the bundles of cash.